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Do You Know Who You Look Like?
" |image = Similar.png |caption = Carabas (left) and Steve (right). |director = Griffith Kimmins |writer = Brad Neely |date = October 6, 2013 |starring = * Carabas * Frank * Pony * Steve |prev = "Is College Worth It?" |next = "The Diamond Castle"}} "Do You Know Who You Look Like?" is the third episode of Season 2 and the thirteenth episode of China, IL. Summary Steve regrets hiring a new professor who coincidentally looks just like him, Frank seeks the attention of another new professor, and Pony tries to learn Spanish. Plot During a staff meeting, Steve reveals two new teachers are hired on campus; one of them is Grace, and Carabas, the second professor, looks almost like Steve. Behind Carabas' back, Pony asks Steve if he will fire Carabas simply due to the resemblance, and Steve insincerely denies such intention. Seeing Carabas teach a lesson on aliens, however, seems to triggers Steve's anger. Meanwhile, Pony enters Crystal's Spanish class, the teacher's aide needing a foreign language credit as a requirement to retain her job. Pony, being of Mexican descent, insists she already knows Spanish and requests an easy A, but Crystal rejects her new student's proposal. Carabas exits as his lecture ends and encounters an upset Steve, who claims he is only angry because of Carabas' lectures, though others hold skepticism of Steve's claim. Meanwhile, Frank, lusting for Grace, approaches the newly-hired professor and attempts to initiate a sexual relationship with Grace by faking sympathy for her being "alone" and assuring her she can always rely on him. Grace invites Frank to her house while on campus, Pony confesses she never learned Spanish to Crystal. At nightfall, Frank arrives at Grace's house and discovers Grace truly is "alone" with her sister, Helen, because the two sisters inherited the house following their parents' death. Overloaded by the responsibilities of housekeeping, Grace challenges Frank's earlier assurance by putting him in charge of caring for Helen, who has sustained major injuries. Meanwhile at Town Bar, Steve flirts with another woman but encounters an ex who thinks she is reunited with the male professor. Steve discovers that the reason for his ex's belief is because the ex went on a date with Carabas and is led astray, thinking Steve is Carabas. The following day, Steve enters a bookstore run by Carabas, wherein the former finds the store's collection of books about extraterrestrial topics, then discovers that Carabas is taking over his class. As Carabas enters, Steve, preparing a phone call for UCI, warns the bookstore owner of his imminent firing, and meanwhile, Helen informs Frank that she and Grace have not been getting along, and consistently fought over their father's love. Grace, having wanted their father's attention for herself, gave Helen adverse injuries; consequently, Helen is now bald and has speech impediments. At UCI, the campus police, thinking Steve is Carabas, erroneously arrest Steve as Crystal teaches Pony Spanish in a manner similar to Helen Keller being taught sign language. Pony finally catches on when Crystal teaches her water in Spanish, and the teacher's aide therefore passes Spanish I. Later at Town Bar, Carabas takes Steve's place at the latter's birthday celebration, and initially, Baby Cakes, Pony, and Frank remain unaware of anything suspicious. Steve meets his friends and scorns them for falling victim to Carabas' deceit, but the trio, thinking Steve is being rude, grows angry at Steve. Afterward, to Helen, Frank confesses he only wanted to have sexual relations with Grace, but contemplates intercourse with Helen when Helen claims she too wants relations with no commitment. Seeking revenge against Carabas, Steve sabotages a meeting Carabas normally holds, and the following day, Carabas becomes suspicious when one of his followers brings up something he normally would not do—host the meeting on a different day from the usual scheduled day. Meanwhile, Pony meets up with a gang of Mexican women and tries to make friends with them as per a suggestion from Carabas, but the teacher's aide does not make a good impression on the women. Later, Carabas catches Steve further trying to brainwash the latter's followers by hosting a book burn. To Carabas, Steve claims to have taken over the store, but as Carabas notes Steve's dislike for the alien topics when pondering the takeover, Steve reaches his breaking point, confessing that his ill-feelings toward Carabas is due to the two resembling one another, not Carabas' beliefs. Also subject to a suggestion from Carabas, Frank and Helen prepare for sexual activities when Grace arrives, and the conflict between the two sisters resumes, issues stemming from family dysfunction. The fight culminates to the sisters taking their lives, prompting an enraged Frank alongside Pony to enter Carabas' bookstore, the two angry at Carabas and reconciling with Steve. As a fight between the lookalike professors begins, another lookalike enters the store and thus the fight. A comment from Steve causes his opponents to enter an argument and take each other's lives to Steve's satisfaction. Trivia * In Crystal's classroom, a picture of the Rubin vase can be seen. * After a mere week, Pony is declared to have passed Spanish I. * Twice, Steve mentions that Carabas' facial features are closer together than Steve's are. * This episode marks the last time Crystal plays her role as a Spanish professor. Running Gags * Baby Cakes makes toilet-humor jokes. Quotes :Sammy: Steve and Carabas It's like Mary Kate and Ashley all over again. ---- :Pony: Frank, I'm just saying; never tell anyone they look like someone else because it makes them feel less special. :Frank: Whatever, skank. ---- :Baby Cakes: I've tried Spanish once. Man, I was like a fish out of water. :Frank: Dude, your whole life is a fish out of water, all right? Anyway, listen. I got—— :Baby Cakes: Speaking of things out of water, have you ever cross a turd out of water? Man, it's terrible! I mean, who came up with putting dookeys in the water—— :Frank/Steve/Pony: B.C.! :Baby Cakes: Well whoever it was was fucking genius. Einstein probably. ---- :Kim: Carabas' class Professor Smith? I thought you were just teaching us! :Steve: Kim? I mean, can't you tell he's not me by what he's teaching, at least? :Kim: I don't know—seems pretty interchangeable with whatever you teach. ---- :Steve: I hired you without looking into your credentials, so—— :Carabas: I own a progressive-thinking bookstore. How's that for credentials? :crowd forms around the professors. :Carabas: You should come by; catch up. :Steve: Well, you should catch up on spreading your features on all that face you got. :Crowd: Ooooh. ---- :attacks Carabas. :Baby Cakes: Come on, guys; don't be turds out of water! :Flip Flop: Ah, yeah! Twin fight! Twins hate being twins, yo. :Steve: No, this is not about us looking alike; I am TOTALLY COOL with that. :Carabas: We are completely different. :Steve: Yeah, we are different. You ain't the boss; I am. You're gonna teach my curriculum, and while you're at it, you're gonna change your clothes. :crowd gasps. :Flip Flop: Oh, I called it! It's about the twin stuff! ---- :Pony: I'm Mexican and I never learned Mexican! ---- :enters Carabas' bookstore. :Baby Cakes: Are you the Steve that owns the store, or are you the Steve that owns the college? ---- :Baby Cakes: Steve You and Carabas are just like Dumbledore and Gandalf. First you wanna fight, but pretty soon, you're gonna wanna screw. ---- :Carabas: Persevere, like the cigar-shaped UFO's against the glowing orbs in the sky over Nuremberg in 1561. ---- :Steve: He thinks that aliens started civilization! I mean—— :Frank: Dude, who knows? It's just as likely as the shit we teach; I mean, no one knows what the hell ever happened. ---- :Baby Cakes: I've got something I need to put into some water. ---- :Carabas: Get out of my store! :Steve: It's my store; I fucking love it now. :Carabas: I thought you hated ancient astronaut theorists. :Steve: Groans All right, it has never been about that! I hate you because you look like me; I am not totally cool with it, all right? ---- :and Helen are having sex. :Grace: Helen! Stealin' all the attention, once again! :Helen: One must steal all they can get livin' with you! ---- :Frank: Whichever one of you is Steve, kill the other one! :Carabas: This town isn't big enough for two of us. :Steve: Your features aren't big enough for your face. ---- :Carabas and an unnamed lookalike prepare to fight. :Steve: Hey, new guy, I think you look more like Carabas there than you do me. :Unnamed Man: Fuck off; I'm way hotter! :Carabas: I look nothing like him! I am special! :Unnamed Man/Carabas: No one is like me! :unnamed man drags himself and Carabas into a fireplace. :Steve: Yes! Last of the Mohicans! Characters Appearing * Baby Cakes * Carabas * Chinese Precious * Cravid * Crystal * Flip Flop * Frank * Grace * Gwen * Helen * Jen * Jetta * Kim * Matt * Pemsy * Pony * Sammy * Stacy Megan * Steve * Steve Lookalike * Sturd * Sweater Beard * Tonyanna * Trouble Bubble * Wendeloquence Gallery Tonyanna.png|Steve and Baby Cakes pull a ruse to drive a "girlfriend" away. Grace.png|Grace is hired. Similar.png|Carabas is hired. Spanish.png|Pony enters Spanish I and demands an easy A simply for her Spanish background. Similar2.png|Steve fights Carabas, evidently wanting him to conform with the history curriculum. FrankGrace.png|Frank hits on Grace by feigning sympathy at her apparent solitude. Spanish2.png|After pretending to know Spanish, Pony admits she doesn't when asked to prove herself. FrankGrace2.png|Frank arrives at Grace's house, ready for sex... Helen.png|...but instead, he's forced to look after Helen due to his lie. Similar3.png|Carabas tricks Steve's ex into getting back with him. Similar4.png|Steve tries to get Carabas fired. FrankGrace4.png|Helen tells Frank what Grace withheld from him—her conflict with Grace and Grace's neediness. Spanish3.png|A la the story of Helen Keller, Crystal tries to teach Pony Spanish. Passed.png|Pony passes Spanish I when she learns "water" in Spanish. Birthday.png|Carabas impersonates Steve during his birthday... Similar6.png|...but Steve shows up, angry at his friends for mistaking Carabas for him. Similar7.png|In retaliation for Carabas getting him fired, Steve takes Carabas' place in a meeting normally held by Carabas. Spanish5.png|At Carabas' suggestion, Pony tries to make friends with a gang of Spanish females. Similar8.png|After repressing his true feelings, Steve finally confesses that his hatred for Carabas is due to the similar appearances. FrankGrace5.png|Walking in on Helen and Frank having sex—Frank following a suggestion from Carabas—Grace resumes her conflict with Helen, assuming Helen is trying to steal attention from her. FrankGrace6.png|Grace and Helen take their lives. Spanish6.png|After Baby Cakes reconciles with Steve, Frank and Pony do so as well, unsatisfied with Carabas' advice. Similar9.png|A second man resembling Steve enters Carabas' bookstore... Similar10.png|...and takes Carabas with him into a fireplace following a comment from Steve. Category:Episodes Category:Season 2